Wow they are apparently powerful. A couple days ago I had a dream where I was getting fired. I woke up sobbing. I posted about it.

Well get this - today I get a call from my boss that I'm getting...


my days cut. Not altogether fired, but definitely not a good thing.


I'm somewhere between angry and furious and there is a blanket of rage settling over me.

smiling to myself
flying high above the clouds
constantly laughing

walking with the kids
feeling like a family
spirits are combined

hearing your sweet voice
singing notes upon the wind
my sweet summer breeze

Bent beyond Belief
Torrential winds stress branches
Hope that I don't break.

From afar we love
Nothing but some circumstance
Keeping us apart.



Come and rescue me
From the pain within my heart
Want to hold your hand.


Feathers on my skin
From the breath that leaves your lungs
Giggles on my neck.


Smiling like a fool
Every time I hear your voice
Now my cheeks just hurt.

Your smile is so green
Like a watermelon rind
Sweet like honeydew


Oak tree in the wind
My love rustles through your leaves
Tickling the sky

Strawberry scented
Tresses flowing down my back
Patient for your dive

Why do we make love hard on ourselves? Love, the purest emotion, and we manage to cloud it and dirty it and throw it in a hole and drown it. Before we are born we decide how we are going to send love into our lives - and which ways we can learn best from experience. This decision, this pre-birth decision, usually means we'll end up broken hearted or yearning for something we can't touch, or in relationships that don't exactly match the euphoria that is written of in books and acted out in movies.

Why do we do this?? So that when we do find that thing that is in books and movies, we recognize how precious it is and we take it and won't let it go for anything in the world, that's why. Because if it's the untouchable - we suffice to love from afar and dream of the day when it is attainable. Years and lifetimes we'll wait - with our hand on the glass staring through the window. Nevermind the fact that we're all holding a hammer in the other hand. We'll wait because breaking the glass is difficult and painful. Breaking the glass might mean hurting ourselves or even others or God forbid the love that sits beyond that window.

We feel that we aren't worthy of that which we are more than worthy of. We feel that because of the yearning and longing - that the togetherness will ruin the fantasy of perfection. We would rather the heartache and longing than the notion that this dream too, this love will become just reality. That the magic of longing will be replaced by the reality of togetherness. That what was exciting and amazing and yes, scary will devolve into something normal, and quiet and good. We fear wrinkling the silken cloth of love by touching it, and would rather stare at it behind glass, perfect and untouched.

What we don't realize, and don't see is that the silk longs for touch and would rather be ruined with the warmth of love and hands than stay stagnant in an airless chamber. The silk longs to breathe and feel the suns rays regardless of how the light will fade its colors. Safety isn't safe if it drives you crazy.

Trust me. It feels much better to inhale and feel wrinkled and alive.

Lately I've been a painting machine... it's like, I can't stop. The second I'm done with one thing I start another. Last night I finished the underpainting for something I've been working on just to start work and complete another painting. It's been kinda nuts. Well I've been kinda nuts...

here goes...
First there was the Fireplace...


Then there was the tree for my grandmother, which I posted the you tube video of... so I won't post an image

Then there was this crazy thing which was basically serving one purpose only - to cover a telephone jack in my kitchen



Then I got a mermaid tattoo so of course... the mermaid painting followed... (note: the tattoo and painting do NOT resemble one another in any way)



Then came the inspiration for the next piece - Origami... inspired of course by me dropping a stack of origami paper on the floor and looking at the coolness of it.



Then on the way to work I stepped on some Q-Tips that were strewn all over the sidewalk as if someone's box of them had spilled.. and I got the idea for...

Ear



Nose



and Throat



Note: Throat and Nose aren't complete yet, as they also will get some embedded items... kleenex and tongue depressors... however I have to go through a lot of dyeing processes with them and haven't yet.

and finally last night, literally after I finished throat came

Raven on a wire



I think it's a compulsion now. I might need to see a psychiatrist.

Wow! My grandmother is turning 80 years old, and the incredible thing is she looks exactly like she did when she was 50. She really loves gardens and flowers and Puerto Rico. When it came time to decide what to give her as a gift, I decided a painting would be a good idea - a specific painting of a Flamboyan, her favorite tree.

Enjoy...

We have this mantle that's bolted to the wall. There's no fireplace there, just some random wall decor which for the last 3 years has acted as...well a frame for the brick wall behind it. Dave's brilliant idea was for me to paint fire and put it in there. Well... I went to Blick and bought 4 canvas panels that are 20X24. I hadn't measured the space where the painting would go... just figured I'd wing it.

The panels all fit - perfectly.

I'm not done with the painting and the 2 panels that are finished need a couple of minor touch-ups as well. But here for your viewing pleasure is "Fire" - a work in progress... literally.

LiveJournal Buddies:

I'm not one of the people who usually ask for prayers. I've done it before-mainly during Katrina for my friend who was missing... and then found...

And I'm not really asking for them now - prayers... it's more strength and positive thinking that I'd like - if possible. ((I feel rather weird asking))

My brother, who has severe bi-polar disorder and mild schizophrenia is getting on a plane tomorrow to go to Florida. My father, my grandmother, and myself are really nervous about the whole thing. He's not stupid by any means but he's NEVER gotten on a post 9-11 flight. We're afraid that he might say the wrong thing or act the wrong way and God forbid... get arrested.

I can't even imagine him in the TSA line being asked to remove his shoes. Much less pour out his bottle of water or any of the other tasks that annoy us all, yet we have the capacity for. I love my brother and want nothing bad to happen to him on his trip. I wish I could take off work because I'd fly to PR and accompany him if I could, but I can't.

If you can, tomorrow, just think positive for me. I can't think positively about this situation, and I think my negative thoughts will come to fruition without a positive offset. (If that makes sense)

Love you all,
Me